Years ago when I was in my twenties I worked for Western Union Telegraph Company as a teletype operator. The one thing I hated about the job was when I had to deliver singing telegrams. This was usually done by telephone and I was not especially proud of my singing voice.
I was working for the telegraph office in Hayward, California and we had a regular customer who was a bit eccentric. We’ll call her Mrs. M. Mrs. M would call in and dictate long, rambling, non-sensical telegrams to the Pope, the President, her Congressman, and anybody else who happened to annoy her. These telegrams went on sometimes for several pages and didn’t make a lot of sense. The girls in our office hated to take these telegrams from her because she was sometimes a little abusive with them as well. But she was one of our better customers. The telegrams were charged by the word and her telegrams would sometimes run over $100. As I said she was a little eccentric, but she was also wealthy.
I didn’t mind talking to her and the girls in the office hated it, so I made them a deal. If they would handle any singing telegrams we got, I would handle the calls from Mrs. M.
Years later I was working as a backlot timekeeper for Paramount Pictures. I told some of my co-workers about this experience and they found it quite amusing. As we started joking about it, we came up with a funny joke based on my experiences. The joke got told and was soon passed on all around the movie studio lot.
A few more years later after I had left my job at Paramount, I was watching a program on TV and John Wayne was a guest star. He did something I had never seen him do before — he told a joke. To my surprise, it was the joke my friends and I had created years earlier.
Although I met a lot of stars when I worked at Paramount, I never had the honor of meeting John Wayne. I was very flattered, though, to see that he liked my joke. Here, for your enjoyment, is the joke that John Wayne stole from me and my friends:
A woman was sitting in her home when she heard a knock on the door. She got up and found a telegraph delivery man at her doorway. As he was explaining he had a telegram for her, she got very excited.
“Oh boy, sing it to me!” she exclaimed.
“Oh ma’am, I couldn’t do that,” the delivery man replied.
“Don’t be bashful,” she said. “Please sing it to me! I insist!”
“Well, okay” he said. And he burst out into song:
“La, da, ta, da, da, da! Your sister Rose is dead.”
Everyone has gone through a break up at one time or another. Take yourself as an example, why are your reading this article right now? It is most probably because you have just broken up with your partner and now you are desperately looking for a solution to get your ex back. I have been heartbroken way too many times in the past and surely learned a lot out of these sad moments. I will share with you a few things that you should avoid when trying to get your ex back so you do not have to go through a miserable time too.
The one thing that you should try to avoid most is to beg your ex to take you back. It is the biggest mistake most people do after a break up, it DOES NOT work. So, you better not do it to avoid making the situation worse for yourself, it will only make your ex go even further from you. Begging is not a funny thing either, worse things it can do is to lower yourself in the eyes of your ex and I am sure this is not what you want.
The second thing that you should not do is to stalk your ex. You probably want to stay aware of all your ex’s moves but avoid doing it. I have done it and god knows how much I regret it, I have been hearing things that you would never want to hear. Also doing this nowadays can also get you in jail. Your ex definitely does not want to get back with someone who is behind bars, don’t you think?
The third thing you should avoid which is equally important as the two above is to spread lies about your ex. This is a very childish reaction but many adults do it. In a sad time like a break up where you not really have your entire mind, it is easy to do stupid things that you might regret later. Many people think when they do this; their ex will come back to them just so that the stupidity stops but this is wrong. Do not try to make your relationship worse than it already is.
If you have been able to avoid all these since your break up means you are doing the good this. You have already made a big step, not you only have to work on a good plan to win your ex back.
Want to add a few jokes to your next written piece? No problem. As a professional stand-up comedienne and writer who stays afloat by selling volumes of jokes each month (Clinton’s antics paid my mortgage and Bush isn’t doing too badly either), I’ll pass on some joke writing tips that’ll send you in the right direction. Since there are no formal “rules” to joke writing, I’ve made up my own. . .
Jokes involve a set-up with the subject and facts, and a punch line that highlights the irony, twists the joke in another direction, or gives an outrageous result.
RULE 1: Use familiarity, word associations and common assumptions. We know Strom Thurmond is old (okay, dead, but I like these examples, so play along), Liz Taylor is chubby, etc. So take your subject and list phrases, synonyms, stereotypes, sayings, people, places and things connected with it. If you do this when writing an age joke for example, and you want to describe how old someone is, then just list words you associate with old… and you may get - “I won’t say he’s old, but he babysat Strom Thurmond.” Or when trying to describe how chubby someone is, list out chubby people or things and you might get “I won’t say she’s chubby, but she gives her hand-me-downs to Liz Taylor.” You get the picture. Using an analogy is funnier than just saying someone is chubby or old. Also use familiar set-ups like “he’s so cheap…,” “this town is so expensive…”and brainstorm what things are cheap, expensive, etc. to get some comparisons.
RULE 2: Exaggerate things to the extreme. Saying Liz Tyalor is 400 pounds is funny, but it may be too close to the truth. Saying she weighs 1200 pounds is funnier because the picture of a 1200-pound woman is, just, well, funny. (Besides, noooobody weighs 1200 pounds, so you’re pretty safe… even 400 pound people will laugh at that one.)
RULE 3: Be brief. Bill Cosby can go on for hours with a single joke. The rest of us should only include facts in the set-up that NEED to be there for the punch to work. Delete unneeded adjectives and prepositional phrases, so that all words pertain to the punch line. I try to keep my jokes to 3 typed lines (not 3 sentences, but 3 lines). When you make a ***** about Britney Spears fighting with Kevin Federline, her ex-husband, you don’t really need to say “her ex-husband.” Pretty much everyone knows his status. Really, less is better… unless you’re Bill Cosby.
RULE 4: Show the irony. That’s what you’re really trying to do is pull out the irony in a situation. Look at it as a good news/bad news… find the irony by listing out all the good and bad in a situation, either real or made-up, and then match them up to see the inconsistencies. “The good news is we’re giving out free tickets to the buffet. The bad news is, you’ll be in line behind Liz Taylor.”
RULE 5: Twist the joke. Give out a real fact in the set up, and make up a crazy (exaggerated) fact in the punch line. A lot of times punch lines are grouped in threes with the crazy fact at the end. Three things just seems to have a good cadence.
RULE 6: Speaking of punch lines, make sure the last word, or pretty darn close to the last word, is the zinger punch line. No prepositional phrases or other words after that word. Really, I’m not kidding. See these examples of jokes I sold:
“A new study has found that the anti-anxiety drug fluvoxamine is effective in relieving anxiety in school-age children. Of course, it’s not quite as effective as getting their braces off.”
The words “their teeth” don’t need to be included because we already get it and it would just slow down the joke.
“The first bloodless surgery was performed this week in which a kid who is a Jehovah’s Witness got a new liver without a blood transfusion. The parents were so happy, they almost celebrated!”
The word “celebrated” is the punch… no need to say “celebrated his survival” because we already get it and it would just slow down the joke.
RULE 7: The “Cuh” sound. A general comedy rumor is that words with the “c” or “k” sound are funny. Who knows if this is true, but ya gotta admit, the names Chuck and Cletus are funnier than Steve and Stuart. (especially if Chuck and Cletus are dating Liz Taylor… no?)
There are many more joke tips, but these will get you started so that people will read your material and you’ll achieve fame, fortune, and timely car payments!
Most people enjoy receiving happy birthday cards. When those cards are funny, it can put a big smile in the recipient’s day. When they are free, it can put a big smile in the sender’s day!
Free, funny, happy birthday cards are plentiful on the Internet. Some sites provide free cards as an incentive to convince you to become a paying member. Others simply provide complimentary cards at no cost. If you are thinking of sending a free, funny, happy birthday card, consider these tips.
Tip #1 - Consider the Recipient’s Sense of Humor
Free, funny, happy birthday cards are not always viewed as “funny” by the recipient. Not everyone has the same idea of what is funny and what is not. While you may think a given birthday card is extremely funny, you should stop and think about the recipient before sending it. It may not be funny to him or her. It may even be offensive. If the card is for your grandmother, think about the things that make her laugh. Would she laugh at the birthday card you are about to send? Is the humor her style, or is it brash and edgy even for your generation? The birthday card should be funny to the recipient.
Tip #2 - Consider the Recipient’s Interests
Free, funny, happy birthday cards, while being humorous to the recipient, may not appeal to their interests. The goal in sending a birthday card is to make the recipient happy. If the birthday card is a funny joke about ballet dancers, a wrestler may wish you had chosen something more in line with his interests. Take time to think about the person to whom you are sending the birthday card, and about the things that interest that person most.
Tip #3 - Consider the Recipient’s Age Sensitivity
In other words, if those free, funny, happy birthday cards mock the old age of a person who is unhappy about getting older, it will be neither funny nor happy. A woman who uses anti-wrinkle cream day and night will not enjoy a birthday card that reminds her of increasing wrinkles. A man who gets Botox injections every 5 months will not appreciate a birthday card that shows a furrowed brow. Some people grow old gracefully. Some do not. Know how the recipient feels about aging and choose a funny birthday card that will not offend those feelings.
Tip #4 - Consider Your Reputation
Some people send funny birthday cards anonymously because they would be ashamed to have people know they were sending ****. Stop and consider your reputation. If you are ashamed to sign your name, you should not send that birthday card. If you would be ashamed to have the recipient learn that it was from you, choose another card. You obviously believe it is not appropriate. Have the courage to do what you know is right.
Tip #5 - Consider Your Friendship’s Value
There is nothing wrong with sending birthday cards that are free. You may be unable to afford anything more. If you can afford more, though, think about why you are choosing a free birthday card. Do you care enough to spend a little money? Do you appreciate that person - and value their friendship or their place in the family enough to invest in helping them enjoy the day? Membership at a greeting card website is not expensive, and you gain access to the best of the cards when you invest. Consider your friend or loved one. Is that person worthy of a birthday card that cost you something?
Tip #6 - Consider Being Serious
Finally, think about whether the recipient would rather have a serious, thoughtful birthday card. Many people are afraid to send birthday cards that are serious. They are afraid to express their true feelings toward others. They become uncomfortable with anything that is not funny. Ill-at-ease and lacking in self-confidence, they rely on funny birthday cards. The recipient, however, might treasure a birthday card that expresses your feelings sincerely.
Whatever birthday card you choose to send, make it such that the person celebrating a birthday will sense that you took time to think about him or her.
Many children are mesmerized and delighted by the animated humor that they find in their morning cartoons. The delightful antics of animated characters on the television screen are not lifelike as we know it, but are conceived to be real to children who do not know any better. Children can derive a great amount of love and affection from the animated humor that is exhibited by some of their favorite cartoon characters.
The violent exchanges that occur on the screen when a weekly cartoon program starts, is only animated humor that stresses the plight of the character in the show and is not conceived to be actual violent actions as any adult would know it. The bonks on the head, and the various tackles and chases achieved by Tom and Jerry are some animated humor exhibitions at their finest. Many Mothers come to love those cartoon programs because of the smiles they place on their child’s faces.
Of course, some animated humor might be considered unsuitable for even teens. These programs have still found their way into the world of teens and young adults and the animated humor comments have been integrated into their language. Everyone wanted to know who killed Kenny and the animated humor in South Park eventually got around to letting everyone know.
Many times, the creators of animated cartoons will place the animated humor on the front of shirts. The clothing industry is a major contributor to the animated humor on the screen because without the advertising options offered by the clothing industry, the animated humor would not become so popular and might be removed from the television programming schedules due to lack of public interest.
The animated humor that was centered on innocent occurrences in the past have held their place in providing good family entertainment for several generations. The animated humor found in television programs today has not faired near as well as the cartoons did so long ago. Perhaps the creators of the animated humor we see today were not allowed to experience what true animated humor was back then, and have a true misconception about what is humorous to people who have children at home.
Some of the best comedians in the business will only go so far as to add their voice to the characters used in animated humor cartoons today and they will save their own form of animated humor for the nightclubs who are equipped with people who are old enough to find humor in the various antics that they expose people to from the stage.
Some broadcasters prefer to present animated humor as antiquated humor in an attempt to prompt public interest to turn in the direction of the animated humor cartoon programs that center on wizardly deeds and demons that threaten the total existence of the human race. Some of these characters act stupid enough to cause world destruction but are in no way the animated humor we have all come to know and love through the years.
"Laugh a lot, and when you are old, all your wrinkles will be in the right place". Laughing is not only a burst of smile but also an explosion of humor; considered as a complete exercise for jawbones and ****** muscles, laughing is a great stress buster activity. Moreover, when it comes to healing, ancient Indian art Yoga comprises all natural therapeutics. The combination of laugh and Yoga is known as 'Laughter Yoga' or 'Hasya Yoga'. Laughter yoga is an ancient art but an Indian Doctor reinvented this. It is primarily based on the act of laughter even without any specific reason.
Laughter- The Best Medicine
Laughter is a universal phenomenon that we all understand. Human being is designed to perform this natural activity. It works like panacea against all the agonies or worries. Laughter Yoga is a meditative practice that is blended with humorous and stress- releasing simple exercises. It includes gentle Yoga breath in- breath out exercises, stretching and rhythmic clapping. While performing these exercises, yoga performers produce enchanting 'ho-ho ha-ha' sound. Later this sound turns into a true laughter.
This yogic kriya is performed as a way to become healthier. A 20 to 30 minutes long session of laughter yoga is considered enough for good health. This strengthens immune system of the body and prevents from several severe diseases. Research shows that laughter triggers for a long life and it increases the capacity to fight against maladies. Some other researches are supporting the fact that it reduces the risk of psychological disorders and cardiac problems. In accordance with a study in 'University of Maryland', good humor sense and ability to laugh at stressful situations helps a lot in coming out from damaged physical condition and depression. It helps you to laugh even if you are in bad mood.
Therefore, the best way to relax your ****** muscles is to laugh it out – and see your way to a happy life!
Heard any good jokes lately? I sometimes ask people this, and do you know how they often answer? “Oh, I can never remember jokes!”
That used to be me. I used to never remember a joke. In fact, you could tell me the same joke over and over and I’d never remember the punch line until you got there. At least I got more than one laugh out of it.
But I felt a little left out. I wanted to tell jokes, too. Jokes are a way of making a person smile. It’s a way of sharing with each other. If you tell a joke well, they’ll remember you with a smile.
I assure you, you can remember jokes. If you can remember a story, you can remember a joke. And you do remember some stories, don’t you? Do you remember Hansel and Gretel, or Pinocchio, or The Three Musketeers, or Star Wars? If you remember any stories you can remember a joke, for a joke is just a short story with a funny end.
And just like with a story, you don’t need to remember the joke exactly in order to retell it. Here is a secret: usually good joke-tellers are changing small details of the joke — either to make it better — or because they don’t remember it exactly how it was told to them.
So here is what you can do to learn how to tell jokes. Begin with short jokes:
Patient: “Doctor, I have a terrible problem! I can’t seem to remember things I have just said.”
Doctor: “When did you first notice the problem?”
Patient: “What problem?
Now immediately look away or close your eyes and retell the joke out loud to no one. Then, all you have to do is call a friend and tell the joke. Try to do it soon. Tell the same joke this afternoon or tomorrow to someone else. Keep telling it. You remember it better with each retelling. You might even change it a little and make it better.
I have some news for you, it truly is good news. But before beginning I would like you to stand up….
So, are you standing? Make sure there is a little bit of space around you.
Now, shake the body all over like a big wet dog. Relax everything, shake that head and let all four of your cheeks loose. Make that big wet dog noise deep in your throat and shake like never before. I want to hear those bones creaking and the tight muscles loosening up.
I have been sensing some cobwebs which have begun to form with you and it is well past time to shake those buggers off.
Unfortunately they seem to grow over night, so shaking them off every morning would be a great idea.
It is so easy to get all morose and serious in life as you are battling your way through it, but truly I am about to tell you the biggest joke in the whole universe.
Serious it is not. But totally true it absolutely is. Please take what I am about to tell you about your life quite literally.
Not sure how you are going to grasp this great news, so I’m just going to blurt it out.
You are standing in a room full of smoke and mirrors.
Okay bear with me now….
There is only you in this place and you are flailing around like a mad hatter. You are fighting shadows and your own reflections as if your life depends on it.
The Self (my, myself, I) is a ghost, a phantom creation which is all smoke and mirrors. The unfortunate part is that we identify and fight with it, react and respond to it and treat it as if it is a living breathing entity.
None of that changes the fact that it is all smoke and mirrors.
The planet is like a mad house with no nurses and far too much medication. Once your eyes open to it you will truly be amazed. Until then you will continue to fight the demons in the smoke instead of walking away and turning your back on the mirrors and letting the sun shine in its place.
Can’t you feel the continuous combat? I know you can.
You have become so numbed out to it because you are so busy fighting, and you don’t see that you are totally alone. It is only you.
All that happens in this place, from top to bottom and tip to toe, is all utterly your creation. The contents of every moment of your every day life is entirely created by you.
Honestly, it’s true.
You exhaust yourself in your attempt to ‘win’ the fight of life, but there is no opponent. It is literally you fighting with yourself.
You complain that you don’t want to fight anymore, that you are tired of the constant barrage of abuse that you find coming your way, but it is always just you doing it to yourself. Not sometimes, but every time.
There is never any other, regardless of the internal or external appearance of life. It is all always smoke and mirrors.
Now here is where it gets really funny….
All it takes for the fight to be finished is for you to stop fighting and relax.
It is as simple as that. Stop fighting and relax.
Sounds easy doesn't it? That is because it is, you just haven't been told 'how' to stop fighting and relax. Also the Self will do anything but stop fighting and relax. ( If you are ready to see the smoke and mirrors for what they truly are the 'How To' E-Book will show you how to easily let the view clear right now.)
The fighting actually creates the smoke and there is no shortage of it. But when you stop fighting, the smoke then has the space to clear and you can see the mirrors and your reflections for what they are.
You can then see with clarity and amusement that you believed you were lost, when in fact it is entirely impossible to be lost. There is nowhere to go in order for you to even be able to be lost.
You are, you always have been and you will always be in this same place whether you are aware of it or not.
This place is this eternal now moment. Not as an idea of now, but simply right now.
You find when you stop fighting life that you are then naturally relaxed, open, loved and loving. Naturally.
You need to stop the fight. Stop creating that smoke. Only then can life flow without the confusion, frustration and suffering that it appears to be so full of.
Nothing else needs to change. Perfection already is. You already are.
Just give up, surrender that need to fight for your survival. I promise it will not kill you, quite on the contrary. You will be truly alive for the first time and instead of all that damn smoke choking your life to death, the true beauty of life can fill your picture.
I think we would all agree that humor sells. Just look at television commercials as an example. The ones we remember and don’t mind seeing over and over again are the funny ones. There was a study done a few years ago which looked at the attention and retention of academic content by university students. The results indicated that both retention and attention increased significantly if the professors used humor in their lectures. If these results are accurate, and I believe them to be, they validate my long held belief that if you want to make people listen to you and remember what you said make them laugh.
When you apply this to marketing and sales you realize that the use of humor not only gets your customer’s attention, but also helps them recall you and your message long after you have left the scene.
A happy, humorous, smiling company representative is a powerful promotional and selling agent. So hire people with these qualities and train those working for you who don’t. Remember a sense of humor is a learned response, it isn’t genetic. People are attracted to those with a great sense of humor and a cheerful disposition.
No comments:
Post a Comment