I’m a psychologist, not a professional comedy writer (After all, how funny is this first sentence?). But when, about 20 years ago, I took up to an hour each day (and I mean, for 365 days) just to write jokes, gags, and one-liners for cartoonists, comedians, and speakers, I thought I was clever enough to make it a life-long habit.
It was fun, I learned a lot, and I even sold a few jokes. However, by the end of the year my ability to keep cranking them out disappeared and I burnt out.
The experience taught me 3 things: First, I’m not cut out to be a full-time comedy writer. Second, I developed a strong appreciation of the professional comedy writers who can do this day after day, year after year. And third, I did learn how to put together a one-liner. I have used this knowledge ever since in speeches, meetings, other writing projects, and social conversation.
I have come to the conclusion that it ain’t rocket science. If I can do it, you can do it (provided that you have a good sense of humor, a facility for word-play, and nothing better to do).
Before I give you my magic formula, I should tell you that formulas don’t work. A great one-liner, like any work of art, has its own unique inspiration, follows its own unique rules, and surprises us in its own wonderful way. Also, the jokes I will use as examples are original (not particularly funny, but certainly original). That’s because I don’t want to get sued, especially by some comedian who claims I was stealing his or her jokes.
So here are 5 rules for creating a one-liner:
RULE 1: Choose 2 topics-1) the content of the joke, and 2) the surprise topic. For example, let’s say you’ve been putting in a lot of overtime at the office. Now, just for the sake of making this a good mental exercise, let’s also say that you combine this topic with the fact that you have a dog. Here is one possibility of combining them: “I’ve been putting in so much overtime, that I came home to an empty house last night. I found a note. It said, ‘I can’t take it any more. I’ve gone for a long walk in the park to think over our relationship.’ It was from my dog.”
Ok, so it’s not that funny. That brings us to…
RULE 2: Look for opposites, especially ridiculous and impossible opposites. Many, many great jokes rely on opposite meanings. A few years ago at a Rotary meeting in which I ended the year of my presidency, I wanted to say a few things before turning the club over to my successor. I began by saying, “Before I formally hand over the reins of powerlessness, …” It got a nice laugh.
RULE 3: Build up the joke in a certain direction, so that the listener is locked into one assumption, and then spring the joke on them. For example, talk as if it is something important, and end with something trivial: “I should like to introduce my business partner, my mentor, my best friend, and a man to whom I owe five bucks, …”
RULE 4: Put the key word or phrase, the one that changes the meaning, at the very end of the one-liner. You’ll notice that the very last words in the previous three jokes ARE the joke (dog, powerlessness, five bucks). Imagine a cocktail party. Everyone has a drink in his or her hands, except for one guy. His wife turns to him and says, “You know, George, you really SHOULD have something to drink–otherwise people will think you’re an alcoholic.” This is a lot funnier than, “You don’t want people to think you’re an alcoholic, do you? You’d better drink something.” This second line isn’t as funny because the second topic (alcoholism) is introduced before the end. It blunts the surprise and therefore the comic shock at the end.
RULE 5: Get rid of every unnecessary word and idea. Nothing ruins a one-liner more than even one extra word. My wife, Christine, is a Paramedic with the Chicago Fire Department (She was my hero long before September 11th). She works a 24-hour shift. Over the years I’ve developed a stock response to people who ask me if I’m worried about my wife being in the firehouse all night with all of those men: “Gee, you’re right. I’d better call and warn those guys.” Is there one unnecessary word in that response? I don’t think so.
So there it is. Follow these rules, and you can create a one-liner. Will it rise to the level of a Henny Youngman, a Jay Leno, an Ellen DeGeneres, a Bob Hope, a Richard Pryor, or a George Carlin? Probably not, but it’s fun, it’s creative, it’s a good mental exercise, and–who knows?–you may discover that you have a talent for it.
Oh, and one word of caution. If while you are following these rules you think of something truly funny, forget the rules. Go for what’s funny.
Here is how to find humor in not-so-funny stuff. Before long, you will have people laughing a lot at your presentation without telling jokes. Below are some ways to get people to laugh.
Steps
1. Set the scene for laughter. If you want to lighten up your program, you might want to let the audience know this, even before you say one word. Project some lighthearted visuals as the audience is entering the room. Play some uplifting music as they enter. Or, add some humor to your presentation title or program description. Your bio, for example, can have a list of accomplishments, playfully followed by “His mother is very proud of him.”
2. Poke fun at yourself. Again, even before you open your mouth, you can show the audience that you do not take yourself too seriously by adding some playful things about you in your introduction. For example, have the introducer tell the audience that you are the author of seven books which have sold well over 30 copies. Then the person corrects their mistake and says, “Oops, that is 300,000 copies.”
3. Get some laughs with a prop. It has been said that learning is enhanced with visual aids. If this is true, then speakers need to enhance their talks with something to visually illustrate what they are saying. A prop is a great way to do this because it not only makes your message memorable but it can also get a laugh. Use balloons to illustrate how people can let go of their stress; an inflatable globe to illustrate how we often carry the world around on our shoulders; and a plastic hammer with which to hit yourself on the head when you goof up. All make a point and all get a laugh.
4. Tell your humorous stories. Open your humor eyes and ears and look and listen for the funny things that happen all around you. Families are an especially good resource for finding humorous stories. One such story involves the author’s 93-year-old mother. Every time she goes to the doctor, she hires a van service to take her there and back. One late afternoon, it did not show up to take her home. Since the doctor had to close the office for the day, he suggested that she wait for the van in the pizza parlor next door. After waiting a long time without the van arriving, she went up to the counter and asked, “Do you deliver?” When the man behind the counter replied, “Of course, we do. We’re a pizza place.” She said, “Great. Then I’d like a pepperoni pizza and I’d like to go with it.”
5. Borrow some witty words. While waiting for your own humor-related stories to appear, you might want to borrow some funny short quotes from famous people to lighten up your talks. Quotation books, the TV, newspapers, and magazines such as Reader’s Digest are great resources for locating great quotes. For instance, if you frequently speak to hospice groups, Woody Allen’s comments about death and dying are appropriate (e.g., “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”).
6. Collect audience anecdotes. Sometimes audiences say the funniest things. When they do, write it down. It could be a big laugh in your next presentation. For years, I have been asking audiences, “How do you spell relief?” My answer is “L-A-U-G-H”. Then one day a woman in the back row called out, “D-I-V-O-R-C-E.” It got a huge laugh for her that day and continues to get a laugh for me when I retell it.
7. Remember the bottom line. For non-humorists, some of the ideas presented here may seem too frivolous for your subject matter. Nevertheless, I would still encourage you to seek some way of upping the entertainment value of your talks because it might also increase what you can charge. As Steve Allen once noted, “People will pay more to be entertained than educated.”
8. Make it relevant. One final word about using humor in your presentations–make sure it is relevant. Amusing an audience for the sake of getting a laugh might be ideal for a stand-up comedian or an after-dinner humorist but it’s probably not okay for most speakers. If your humor does not make a point or have a purpose, do not use it!
Tips
· When speaking to a group of people, sweep the room with your eyes so that everybody pays attention to you
· In sweeping the room, periodically make eye contact for a few moments with one person, then with another - don’t appear too animated and speak to that person as though they were the whole room, then break contact and look at someone else.
· In Powerpoint presentations or similar situations, use crudely drawn pictures you threw together in MS Paint (or similar program). Make it quite obvious that you are not an artist with stick figures, incoherent blobs, and poorly drawn simple pictures, all with the brush tool. No predefined shapes, text tools, or anything of that sort. The idea of this is that you threw this picture together in paint in 30 seconds. Present it as you would any other slide, starting off with “this diagram I put together…” or anything that mentions that you did it.
Warnings
· Be careful while poking fun at yourself (step 2). If you do it, do it without losing credibility, or else no one will take the rest of your presentation seriously.
· Do not dress funny for, let’s say a presentation. That is a surefire way for people not to take what you say seriously. You should be able to make people laugh and still get your message across. If you look like a clown you will be perceived as a clown.
The article is written by Stanley Lyndon, author of “How to be Funny” ISBN 1-4276-1392-3 sold at: How to be Funny . This may be distributed free of cost anywhere as long as the author note is preserved.
Stanley Lyndon is a well established comedian/writer and author of “How to be Funny”. His website can be found at: How to be Funny
CEO humor (including jokes about CEOs) is quite easy to come by, considering how stiff and uptight they’re usually required to be. What is it with nobility and Forbes-worthy citizens that makes them think that to appear as Very Important People (and I recognize that they are, mark my word, for I don’t use the Capital Letters of Great Importance on just anyone) , they have to master the art of strutting around as if they had random bits of cutlery shoved up their orifices? Really, I understand why the formal, business look reflects discipline and sacrifice, but I’d think the lesser workers would much better prefer a bright smile that encourages good work than a scowl that hints of hell to come. Heck, some CEO’s make people **** themselves by raising an eyebrow, and that’s not a sign of productivity at all.
CEOs are visionaries with goals to make a difference in the world. The problem is, they tend to focus on that goal first before looking at their respective companies. It’s common sense to think that if you’re going to make a difference, you start with the roots you were given. So CEOs would do well to make themselves welcoming to the people that make their companies work instead, and inject a little humor and levity in the workplace to encourage people to do the same, for a happy workplace is a productive workplace.
The politics of humor are mostly classified by class, race and gender; some jokes are alright when spoken by a specific sector, but is tactless and offensive if spoken by another. There is a heirarchy in place as well– with jokes about certain kinds of people being progressively limited in terms of political correctness, the higher one is on the social food chain. Black people can make jokes about fellow black people, but if white people say the same thing, they get stamped with bigotry.
So what does history tell us? People have less politically correct jokes at their disposal the higher they are in the social food chain, which should explain why CEOs and those others with higher tax brackets are so tight-assed. When the spotlight’s on you, you always have to watch what you say and how you act.
The best humor that CEOs can inflict upon themselves are jokes about themselves. The most loved CEOs often turn to making fun of themselves to break the ice, to allow people to think that there’s more to this higher up than a much fatter paycheck. One of the hallmarks of good leadership is self-effacing humor, as it demonstrates an openness to people that is hard to find among those of similar rank.
Some CEOs begin their terms by spending time with their entry-level workers, while others begin with an open-hearted speech that every person in their company can relate to. Humor can do a lot to break the ice, and when you’re the head of a corporation, having your workers like you is another achievement worth investing in.
CEO humor usually involves their personal experiences and the little nuances they encounter just because they are CEOs. Scott McNealy for example, former CEO of Sun Microsystems had made a humorous list of things he’s glad for now that he’s not CEO, which included not having to apologize for anything he said in Wall Street Journal, or having someone else to blame, or being able to play golf because the new CEO can’t.
CEOs are not the funniest of people, which is why people appreciate it when they try to be. That’s where the difference begins– when people see you as someone who can do something significant for the world without having to be a curmudgeon in your own base. Remember that happy people make for better workers, and a CEO who is loved rather than feared makes for a better workplace.
Not only human are the main characters of jokes to ***** laughter. Even animal behaves as the funniest part of the joke. As to say the fact, more than other jokes people like to enjoy the animal jokes.
It is such kind of jokes in with animals is fully responsible to create a laugh. Those non-verbal creatures are featured with some of their stupid and funny act.
Different animals are characterized like Dog, cat, frog etc. They really make a funny part of the joke.
Have you heard any funniest animal jokes recently? You must have heard a lot because the craze for the animal jokes is increasing now days.
Even I myself prefer funny animal jokes rather than other funny jokes. They are mostly clean jokes and are very suitable to share in any place we like.
Mostly children are fond of it. They just want to listen and enjoy the stupid act of animals performed to make them laugh. It is even easy for them to understand the joke.
If you have not listen any funny animal jokes lately… Let me share some of the funniest jokes:
A frog telephoned the psychic hot line and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” said the psychic, “Next term…in her biology class.”
———————–
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
———————–
Those above jokes are just examples of funny animal jokes. You can find many more funny jokes on web. Humor has just become a part of our life. Always enjoy the moment you get in life.
So you think that you are a real comedian but you don’t want to get up on stage. Well then, you still have an outlet for your obscure sense of humor, by creating your own funny graphic t-shirts. So, how do you get started and is it going to be expensive? The good news, is that now thanks to the Internet you can get started right now and it is cheaper than it has ever been before.
Digital Printing Technology
There are a few things that you are going to have to understand though, before you get started. The first thing, is that if your design has a lot of bright colors in it, you will most likely want to go with a service that offers the latest digital printing technology. Also, you will want to have your designs printed on light colored fabrics.
Silk Screening
People still do silk screening and most online services will provide it, but if you are going to require a lot of colors in your design, it is going to cost you. This is because with silk screening, a separate printing frame has to be created for each color in your design. Then a separate pass with each color has to be made on the shirt in the silk screening process.
Just Like on Paper
On the other hand, if you go with digital printing, your custom funny graphic t-shirts will be printed out in one pass, the exact same way that a digital printer prints on paper. Also, with digital printing there is usually no minimum order requirement. This is because your custom design is simply loaded into the printers memory, just the same as you would do with paper at Kinkos.
Small Orders – Larger Orders
So, if all that you are interested in is a few custom t-shirts then you will definitely want to have them printed on a digital printer. On the pother hand, if you are interested in ordering a larger number of custom t-shirts, you may end up saving money by having them silk screened.
Every child loves to have fun. As a parent you can motivate, teach and empower children through the use of fun activities for kids. For children under the age of 10, there are many things that are fun for kids but at the same time teach them something useful or help them to explore their surroundings. A good way to do this is through using their senses.
The following activities are interesting, unique ways to help your child of any age to learn about their senses.
Exploring the Sense of Smell
For younger children, the sense of smell can be an amazing thing, something that they don’t think about. The sense of smell is not just a simple sense. There are many ways to have fun exploring it. For example, blind fold a child and ask them to find a specific scent within a room. Place strong smelling items in various corners throughout the room. Let their nose guide them from place to place.
For younger children, it can also be fun to have a smelling contest where parents give each blind folded child something to smell and they have to guess what it is. Exploring the sense of smell can be a lot of fun and educational, too.
Using Your Eyes
For children, being able to see is something they take for granted. Take this away and your child is in a world that is completely foreign to them. After removing all of the harmful objects from a room, have the child close their eyes and identify certain objects. The other senses are heightened when they can’t see.
For older children, purchase or find online a book of optical illusions. From moving surfaces to objects that look like others, this is a fantastic way to explain how the inner eye works and why the brain and eyes have to work together to understand the image.
Feeling Something New
There is nothing more fun than getting dirty and for this activity kids can get a bit messy. To teach them about the sense of touch, take an empty shoe box and turn it upside down, open side down. Cut out just a large enough hole in one end to allow the child’s arm to reach in. Then, secretly put different items under the box and have them guess what they are. Try cold spaghetti, homemade slime and cold, round ice cubes. They are sure to be wondering just what you having them touch. This is a great way to get children to learn through play.
Hearing Something Fun
Kids learn through creative play. You can teach your child about their sense of hearing fairly easily. A fun kids game to play is to simply have them close their eyes and listen to sounds over various areas of the room. Or, head outside in a very safe area. Blind fold them and take turns calling the individual to come towards your voice. See how long it takes until they find you! Keep an eye on them to be sure they are safe, of course.
For younger children, boys and girls play can be as simple as guessing what sounds are from a recording. For older children, even teens, have the child listen to a chord of music and try to mimic the sound with their voice. Ba…ba.ba.ba….
Tasting They Will Love
Since children learn through play, a great way to help them learn the sense of taste is trying new foods. But, how do you get a child that is picky willing to taste new foods? There are several things to do here. First, invite them into the kitchen. Allow the child to help peel and cut (age appropriate and safe) and have them help with any other method of preparing meals. Encourage them to make their own foods, too. Perhaps they would like to make something with you, that they create. Good or bad tasting, they still get to see the transformation of taste in their mouths.
With older children, explore textures, too. The crunch of a carrot mixed with the softness of bread creates a unique texture in the mouth. What happens when vegetables are cooked instead of eaten raw? Explore each of these areas thoroughly with them.
Fun activities for kids can fall into that learning category, too. Kids love to explore new things and play games, especially when mom or dad gets to help them with it. Best of all, you will want to spend your time explaining why things happen the way they do. These kids fun games and projects are something you can do with your child!
Funny T-shirts - although they’re not necessarily funny ‘ha-ha’ (though sometimes they might be). Usually they’re T-shirts fused with a subtle, sophisticated, ironic humour (we hope) - the kind of jokes where you say “that’s funny” without actually laughing (see also: mid-period Woody Allen). Because, let’s be honest, you don’t need complete strangers coming up and guffawing at the lowest common-denominator *** on your tee. Frankly, it would be inconvenient. (Don’t get us wrong, we love lowest common-denominator humour - The Two Ronnies’ Phantom Raspberry Blower is OK with us, it’s just that we don’t want him on our T-shirts.)
Face it, lots of funny tees are pretty stinky. They’re adorned with naff or bawdy or ****** or misogynistic or vulgar slogans (that are not going to get you a date - ever). Or - even worse - you’ve got comic tees that perform mischievous wordplay with famous corporate logos (Ford and McDonalds becoming - quite unhilariously - swear words.) Not funny.
Other funny tees that often have perilous consequences are the TV comedy-show tee-shirt tie-ins. The first question to ask: why would any individual feel the need to inform complete strangers that they are avid fans of the cult sci-fi comedy, Red Dwarf? (This is a trick question, because there really is no satisfactory answer.)
Of course, it’s perfectly healthy - commendable, even - to enjoy Family Guy, Little Britain and The League of Gentlemen, but beware when purchasing their branded tees. How many adults cringe into cramps when they think back to their Mary Whitehouse Experience “Milky Milky” and “That’s you, that is!” tee-shirts? (Lots do - count on it.) So remember, kids: watch TV, don’t wear it!
So are we at Split the Atom any better? Well, we like to think that our comedy tees fly in the face of these tacky tshirts - they’re funny without losing the cool. Wearing a Split the Atom tee-shirt is akin to telegraphing those in your vicinity that, yes, you do have a highly sophisticated sense of humour and, no, you are not a clod. When you wear a Split the Atom tee, it’s like having a neon sign above your head that says, “I’m jovial, erudite and the perfect candidate to pursue a mature and highly sexual relationship with,” which can’t be bad.
It is a well known and widely accepted fact, that E-books….FREE E-books…are one of the best weapons in a viral marketing campaign arsenal. Here are four good reasons why this is true today and will continue to be true for the foreseeable future:
1. E-books are cheap to produce and don't take long to set up. If you have articles that you have already written about the subject you are promoting, you can simply combine these articles into an E-book. If, on the other hand, writing isn't your forte, you can use rebrandable E-books that have been produced by others. Just use your favorite search engine and do a web search for "rebrandable E-books". You will get a lot of hits and have many to choose from. One way to distribute these E-books to visitors to your website is to give them as a free gift for subscribing to your newsletter. If your E-book contains material that people will want to share with their friends and family, they will pass it along to them… they will pass it along to others…and you will make money.
2. E-books are capable of reaching a large audience. The only limiting factor is the enthusiasm or the participants. Therefore, it is absolutely vital that your E-book contain something that people will want to share like timely information or humor. Remember that people like to know something that the rest of the world needs to know. They will pass along something that makes them look like they are in-the-know.
3. E-books are a way to sell other products other than the one you originally targeted. For example; if you are selling garden products, your customers could also be interesting in E-books about lawns, trees landscaping, etc.
4. E-books are effective in building your reputation. It is an implied recommendation if you give a quality E-book and users willing pass on to others.
Living in a home makes a person attached to the home. Home not only provides its four pillar and a roof over ones head, but also gives its financial shelter to those who live in. time is not always remained the same, in this ups and downs of life, at times individuals have to face financial deficit. And to this view, secured home loan emerges as one of the best borrowing option for such individuals.
Applying a secured home loan is very simple and an easy task. For, there are many lenders available online and offline, the need is only of right selection a lender. Many of time, it becomes very difficult to select a right lender. Presence of too many lenders for the same secured home loan, but different policies and plans of lenders make the borrowers confused.
To fight away from such situation, online method of availing the secured home loan is preferred more these days. Accessing online and research for a right lender go through the terms and conditions inhibited. If any lender's policy is according to your budget, then select and make a deal further for secured home loan.
The amount raised by the lending authority is generally £3, 000; however this amount can be further increased up to £75, 000 too. Borrowers invest the sanctioned amount as per their requirements. Home improvement and renovation, infrastructural development at business, dream holiday destinations, children's higher education etc. are some of the usages of the secured home loan. Above all, an act of debt consolidation too is one of the best borrowing solutions of the secured home loan. The method helps eradicating pending debts with its single monthly repayment scheme.
As far as repayment of the secured home loan is concerned, the period stipulated to the loan is 5to 25 years. In order to take advantage of the borrowers' financial situation, the lenders have extended the time period of the secured home loan. Individuals are always advised to make shorten their repayment period in order that they may not have to give extra money in the name of interest rates. Longer the repayment period, more the borrowers have to give money for interest of the secured home loan. And, the loan helps to end the financial joke with its monetary sufficiency.
I love a good laugh. At dinner time, when we tell jokes and recite funny scenes from movies, I can tell we are a healthy family. Funny movies are a constant guest at our dinner table. I guess this is our magic pill against sickness and sadness. I believe laughter is the best medicine, a wonderful vehicle to happiness.
There is a whole new science now, dealing with the importance of laughter to our wellbeing. Terminally ill patients watch comedy movies to heal themselves. Think about it, instead of a pill or a painful treatment, the doctor can prescribe – a movie!
There are courses that teach people how to laugh. Funny, isn’t it?! Laughter is one of the most natural things in childhood, and yet we need to re- learn it as adults.
If you think of movies, you can see that most kid’s movies are funny. If they are not, they have a character in the movie that makes the whole thing fun. Kids are in the mood for laughing most of the time. We can learn a lot from them, they are healthier.
Children laugh a lot. One of the greatest joys is to hear a baby laugh. More people find that irresistible. Children do not need a "real" reason to laugh. They laugh at things that seem silly. What do you think? Is it better to laugh over millions of silly things or only to laugh at rare "seriously funny" things? Who has more fun in life, kids or grown-ups?
Watching funny movies has great physical benefits and entered as a method in "Laughter Therapy".
Laughing has great benefits like:
• It strengthens your immune system
• It enhances your cardiovascular flexibility
• It increases your motivation
• It helps you think more clearly and increases your intellectual performance
• It improves your information retention (memory)
• It increases your creativity
• It changes your emotional state to the positive
• It releases and transforms your emotional pain
• It develops your abdominal muscles
There are so many other benefits to laughter that it makes you wonder why we do not laugh more. If you want to enjoy a wonderful feeling, grab yourself a funny movie and start laughing.
If you are a typical adult and do not laugh very often, here are some tips to help you improve this natural medicine –laughing.
• Laughing is contagious. Hang around with people who appreciate laughter. Laughing in a group is easier to start, especially if you feel comfortable with the group (family, friends, and colleagues) find the right company to watch movies with.
• Find a movie that suits your style. Some like “Wayne’s World” style, some love “Notting Hill” or parody movies. Stick to what works for you.
• Let go of any embarrassment associated with laughing – just go for it!
• You need a reason to laugh every day. Tell jokes or share funny scenes out of movies with humour lovers.
• Keep practicing until you get the hang of it. It will get easier over time
Movies are an easy tool to encourage laughter. As opposed to medication, they are much cheaper and they have no side effects. The effect lasts long afterwards and it actually keep you healthy.
Beijing 2008 Olympics are over, but they’ll resonate in people’s minds for a long time. The opening and closing ceremonies put together by host country of China count as the most spectacular performance ever created by humans. 958 medals were handed out to athletes, which is the most in Olympic history, but this is not the only reason why Beijing Olympics is forever going to get shiny highlights in sports books. American swimmer Michael Phelps achieved what no other Olympian in history had. He was decorated with 8 gold medals from a single Olympics. Michael Phelps made history in Beijing. Or so it would seem. But was it really so? Is Michael Phelps really as good as we’re force-fed to believe?
During a very controversial race in the men’s 100-meter butterfly on August 16, 2008 Michael Phelps was pronounced a winner beating Serbian-American swimmer Milorad Cavic by 0.01 second. Despite initial evidence proving that Milorad Cavic touched the board with both hands first, somehow the evidence was altered ensuring Michael Phelps comes out of the race as winner. It takes a closer look at Olympics behind the scenes as it takes a closer look at what’s between the lines to understand why it was so important to make Michael Phelps immortal.
Americans needed a hero:
The picture of the United States on international level is crumbling as it has for years. Whether you look at War on Terror fiasco, a fairytale of WMA and subsequent invasion of Iraq fiasco, or any other of countless fiascos the USA has been involved in, the way other countries see the most powerful nation in the world is not very flattering. Add to it worsening economy, spike in foreclosures, crush of real estate market, growing national debt… you get the picture. Americans needed a hero. They needed someone to reunite them, to show them that they are not only in the game, but on top of it. They desperately needed someone to boost their crushing self confidence and Michael Phelps - an American becoming the best athlete of all time would be an adequate solution.
Sponsors needed a high profile spokesperson:
It’s got to count for something when Kellogg Co. is able to tell that the best athlete of all time is on the box of their cornflakes. It definitely has a better marketing impact than having a mere great athlete on the box. Being able to tell that your Speedos are worn by the best swimmer in the world has a better ring than saying that one of the best swimmers wore Speedos. The same goes for Omega watches, Visa credit cards, Hilton Hotels Corp., PowerBars by Nestle, AT&T Inc., Rosetta Stone Ltd., PureSport beverages, SwimRoom.com, and whoever else invested their money into Michael Phelps. They’re all looking to get the most out of their investment back. Hold on - Omega is one of Michael Phelps sponsors? Weren’t they the official providers of time keeping for the Olympics in Beijing? I see… now it’s starting to make way more sense.
Beijing needed to be the host of biggest Olympic achievement:
Beijing invested obscene manpower, energy and money into creation of the most spectacular event ever conceived by mankind. They needed to make sure their Olympics are talked about for decades over decades after wards. They desperately needed to immortalize everything they’ve worked so hard for and invested so much money into. And what better way to secure that Beijing will always be remembered then by having an athlete who achieves impossible during their games. Each time someone mentions the best Olympian, name Beijing will be attached to it, because that is where Michael Phelps collected 8 gold medals. This record will be hard (almost impossible) to match, hence Beijing will remain at the forefront of Olympic Games hosts for a very long time just on this premise alone. Could Chinese officials miss on this opportunity? Well, have you seen how much money they put into their games?
Conclusion:
I have no doubt Milorad Cavic beat Michael Phelps. Milorad Cavic is without doubt a better swimmer, but awarding him with gold would not benefit anyone. Awarding Michael Phelps with gold would benefit many, including all those who matter - sponsors and two of the most powerful countries that control more than who the best athlete is. Michael Phelps is a product of corporate madness. He’s an investment, a marionette that gets the spotlight for playing the corporate game. There was way too much in stake to spoil it all by giving gold to Milorad Cavic.
36 year old record held by Mark Spitz who won seven gold medals in a single Olympics has been broken. Back then the Olympics were about sportsmanship and Mark Spitz won his seven golds because he was good. He also broke the world record in all of those seven swimming events he won. There’s a new record now and it belongs to Michael Phelps. How he got to it is disputable, but that’s not what he will be remembered as. He’s now the most praised athlete and will remain one for a very long time. I’m not gonna say I hope he could live with himself knowing how he got to the status he has, because there are people out there who are on a much lower scale of humanity and not only do they live with themselves, they live happily and enjoy themselves.
Life’s not fair. We all know that. Congrats to Michael Phelps, the biggest joke of an athlete.
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