Eren asked: WITTY & HILARIOUS WORKER AND WORKPLACE HOMOUR, AMUSING & SATIRICAL FUNNY WORK JOKES
(Based on author's site www.geocities.com/wrkjks)
Criticised by his manager for having taken time off work to go have his hair cut the office clerk defended himself: “Well.. it does, also, at the company’s time grow…”
An administrator didn’t like ‘yes’ men -not after he already said ‘no.’
What are night club bouncers?.. Men who throw disturbing parties…
“The next place” said the tour guide, “is ‘no smoking’ -we can’t go there yet…” One of the tourists asked “Why?!.. None of us is smoking..?!” The tour guide replied, “I am…”
A legal secretary is a girl over 18 in Britain, and over 21 in the USA.
“Advocate!..” warned the judge, “Are you trying to show contempt for this court..!?” The well-connected lawyer assured: “No, your honour -I am trying to conceal it…”
The over-zealous shop assistant resented being needled by his fellow employees that on each and every occasion, on each and every issue, he licked the shop owner’s boots, each and every day -he pointed out that the owner only came in three days a week…
“Anything you say,” said the policewoman to the drunk driver, “may be held against you!” His protests ignored, he sighed “Oh!.. You..!”
One of the two elderly ladies exchanging gossip on the telephone in a small and out of town village with a small telephone-exchange, said to the other, “I hope the operator isn’t listening in to our conversation…” A third voice was heard on the line and said “Madam, we don’t do things like that..!”
The new controller was overjoyed.. the managing director who had always ignored him and had been so critical of him was overheard referring to him as a perfect non-entity…
He was very much wanting, said the librarian to the new archivist, to compliment him on his work -and was looking forward to when he would do some…
The chairman of the board of directors put his proposals to vote.” All those who oppose,” he said, “say ‘I resign’…”
The boss had many men under him -he was a funeral director…
Some accountants are so mean, they want to have receipts even for any compliments that they pay…
Some employees grow on their employers -the way warts do…
“Tell me,” asked the prosecuting attorney “did you, or did you not sleep with this beauty contestant!?” The reply was: “Not a blink, Sir!”
“How many people work here?” asked the new factory foreman to the production manager, and he replied: “About half of them…”
People take their hats off to the boss -he runs a barber shop…
The child psychologist employed by a toy shop had to be called when a difficult child would not part with a toy his parent would not buy, and, it took the expert only to whisper something to the child for the child to put back the toy and run out of the toy shop. Later, the kid told his parent what it was that the child expert said to him: “He told me, if I didn’t put it back and get out, he’d wring my neck!…”
The female soldiers employed in the armed forced were issued black underwear during the world war air raids -the army chiefs had been instructed to ensure all places of entertainment to be darkened…
“How come,” the wages clerk criticised the labourer, “that when you were under-paid you came and let me know, and I have had to come to you, this time that you have been overpaid in error..?!” Replied the worker: “I didn’t want to embarrass you again, by telling you that also this time, yet again, you made a mistake…”
Asked if it was a sin for a young man to sleep with a young woman, a cleric answered: “But, that’s just what they don’t do -they don’t sleep, do they…?”
At the doctor’s the nurse asked the patient with dream complaints if he saw a psychiatrist?” “No,” said the patient, “only dogs and cats.”
The methods of a company’s boss in seeking increased production that would enable expansion were so popular with his employees that they all looked forward to the day that those working for him would come to include an undertaker and grave diggers.
The new executive never ever said an unkind word against any member of his staff -he always talked only about himself…
“What!?..” responded the receptionist who had asked for time off work to get married, when the boss remarked “You have only just had your summer holidays -why didn’t you get married then..?” She expressed her surprised at the suggestion: “And ruin my holidays?!..”
“Shorthand..?” asked the interviewer at the employment agency to the applicant secretary. She replied: “Yes, but not as fast as longhand.”
Taxpayers are employees, said someone, who do not have to pass civil or public service examinations to work for the government…
A sales manager was rather surprised that the brownies wanting to sell him cookies were not attempting any sales talk. “Why do you want to sell me these nice cookies, then..?” he asked them, and one of the girls replied, “Because you are so handsome…” The sales manager was heard, as he walked away munching the cookies he had bought, saying to himself “Yes.. that’s what sells -truth and honesty.”
She was the best window dresser in the neighbourhood -she never pulled down the shades!
“These apartments are so small..!” remarked a would-be tenant. The estate agent commented “Oh, that’s to leave no room for complaints.”
The psychoanalyst asked what the patient dreamed the night before and, upon being told “Nothing”, snapped: “Sir, how am I supposed to help you, if you don’t do your homework..?!”
Statesmen's diplomatic communiques, were likened, in the anecdotes of the witty teacher and thinker the late Orhan Seyfi Ari, to a radio broadcaster of a boxing match who excitedly told the audiences "A left hook by Abdi!.. A right hook by Bandinelli!.." and announced the winner as.. Abdinelli…
“This, of course, is only a suggestion,” said the chairman of the board to the directors “It’s for to you to bear in mind whose suggestion it is”
An executive can find his wife when he takes his secretary to lunch…
When late home the worker told his wife on the entry-phone that he had been discussing a labour dispute which might lead to strike, was told “Go stay there then to consider this lock out!”
Reading in the newspaper that a confectioner was pelted at his wedding with small sweets, a brick layer cancelled his.
Some bosses are known to have fired their secretaries for mistakes they would not make…
Worthy politicians, traditionally, are employed in wordy causes…
The author has a website at: http://www.geocities.com/eoa_uk
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